Purpose is overrated
What the Greeks got wrong
The Greeks often spoke about happiness beyond the obvious things that seemingly make us happy. More money, more sex, more things, more.
They believed strongly that to break our dependence on the temporary joys in life that are always outside of our control, real happiness comes from finding a deep sense of fulfillment, and that that comes from living life in alignment with our values and virtues. The stuff inside our control.
To these Stoics, a good life where we’re resilient to all conditions within the grand theater of life is about having an enduring purpose. And until you know your purpose, your current campaign should be about finding it.
But purpose is complicated. And I’ll be honest, I really don’t know anyone who could actually answer the question, “What is your purpose?” with a real answer. My closest group of friends are all successful, but none of them have a true purpose. And I know parents often cop out and say their purpose is all about parenthood, but I think that’s an easy answer for adults to grab from the shelf when they have a kid and still feel a bit lost.
No judgement—I don’t know what my purpose is either.
It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past year, both as I’ve dealt with my mom passing and having gone through the flows of trying to understand why I was unhappy at my old job and thinking about what I wanted next.
As a slightly anxious overthinking, I plowed through pages of my journal. I wrote paragraphs, I made lists, I drew mind maps. Several. Lots of scribbles branching off into startup ideas, personal projects, alternate careers. All little lines and smudges trying desperately to help me “Find my why”.
But none did. Instead of clarity, I got anxiety.
So, annoyed and drained by the fact that (1) the importance of purpose has been put on such a pedestal, (2) it’s unnecessary allusiveness, and of course, mostly that (3) I don’t know mine…I’ve come to see purpose as a paradox: The harder you look for it, the less likely you are to find it.
To which I then pose the question: Then why don’t we look for something else?
Changing where I’ve looked for meaning has been a big unlock, leading me think that purpose, especially an enduring one, is overrated. I even think, having clocked the miles, that jogging the endless treadmill to try find whatever ours is can actually be unhelpful and counterproductive.
So, if the idea of finding your “why” feels more like pressure than liberation, this letter brings some optimistic news: there’s a much easier way to find direction and groundedness than some grand calling.
→ Find and hold a few principles over one purpose.
Principles are much easier for us to find, are more enduring, and are more flexible to all the great, bland, and fucked up situations life will chuck us in—meaning it’s easier to feel aligned and good about ourselves using principles as our proxy for direction than it is using purpose.
Principles > purpose.
That’s why we’re going to spend the next few minutes talking about:
The two problems with purpose
The two pros to principles
The simple path to creating yours
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The fragility & susceptibility of purpose
To be clear, I’m not waging war on Aristotle here saying that purpose is bad. Not at all. If you feel you know yours, great. You’re almost certainly happier for it and will probably live longer. What I am saying though is that the reality most people live with is they don’t know know theirs, and they deal with a lot of Purpose Anxiety (PA). Meaning lots of stress, worry, and frustration when seeking this apparent golden bullet for life fulfillment. The low‑grade dread that we should already have our “why,” and that we’re failing as adults if we don’t. Or is that just me?
For everyone in that camp, my question to you is whether all that purpose-related anxiety is even worth it when purpose changes?
Purpose is often said to be enduring. A True North. But that can’t be true.
At 21, I wanted to build something big. Startups were my outlet. I had all the young and dumb energy to give everything to it, and enough insanity to do anything to prove something. That gave me some level of purpose, then.
Now at 31, I care far more about how I spend my time, who I spend it with, and whether I’m creating something I feel proud of that is deep in my interest area, even if it's smaller.
My values changed. What I care about today is different from what I cared about ten years ago. And they’ll likely reshuffle again by the time I’m 40.
So how can a life purpose be sticky if the things you value don’t stay fixed? Exactly. As we learn and unlearn things, we need something more bendable.
Beyond fragility, purpose is also easily hijacked.
We’re social sponges. We absorb the expectations of parents, partners, friends, LinkedIn hustle porn, culture. We could easily invest years (and money) chasing a story that isn’t actually ours, and the sunk‑cost siren whispers: Don’t pivot now; look how much you’ve already put in. We easily mistake momentum for meaning, so we cling to a purpose that once made sense—or never did—and wake up playing someone else’s game. The danger isn’t just that purpose is changeable; it’s that it can be misleading, steering us away from the life that actually fits.
That’s why trying to chase a single “life’s calling” is often paralyzing.
But principles, the things I shifted my attention to after being nudged away from hunting purpose, don’t have the same fragility or susceptibility.
The endurance & optionality of principles
If the purpose of purpose is to tell you where you are going, the purpose of principles is to tell you how you get there, and really, how you get anywhere.
They’re like a commitment to how you want to live. And as we’ll see now, that is a much much easier question to answer for yourself.
In some ways, principles are the ultimate purpose. To steal the corny office poster concept of “the journey being more important than the destination”—where you end up is less important than the manner in which you showed up along the way.
Principles are how you live. They are what’s behind your actions based on what you care about.
They’re not situational. They’re not reactive. They don’t bend to what job you’re in or what city you live in or what your latest hobby is or who you’re dating.
Psychologists agree that mental resilience—our ability to handle life’s setbacks and pressure—is deeply tied to our sense of identity and direction.
And not a rigid identity, but clarity in who we are and what we stand for.
When I found these principles for myself (on far fewer pages than I spent trying to ink my purpose into existence), almost everything else—my recent job change, tough conversations with Julia, hard days missing my friends, mom, and family, spouts of boredom—all feels easier to deal with.
Because with principles, you have a better grip on how you’ll respond—a framework that lets you say: “This is who I am. This is what I value. And no matter what happens, I’ll act in line with that.”
In my biased opinion, that’s more strength and power than knowing one purpose.
That’s how you build self-respect. Not necessarily by ticking boxes toward a singular purpose.
Discovering your principles (through values)
Okay, so the opening case for principles is laid. Now, to bring this to the practical level, I’ll start by saying (despite some writing required), that this isn’t about rewriting your life.
When I came up with a handful principles for myself, it’s not like I became someone new. Think of it more so as sculpting a shape from an already-there rock. It’s about a little structured self-reflection.
1. Build your value map
Values are flexible, and by necessity, they represent what’s most important to you right now. And getting some clarity on them can give you real insight into who you are at this point, who you aspire to be, and where you might look for more meaning in life.
Start by writing down everything you think you value. Don’t spend time editing yet, just list. The stakes are low and there’s no mistakes to be made. You’re just getting what’s in your head out on paper.
“I do not know what I think until I read what I’m writing” - unknown
Just a few examples, values could be things like: freedom, stability, relationships, family, creativity, health, ambition, peace, fun, career, community, thoughtfulness, courage, status, honesty, kindness, loyalty, discipline, learning, growth, wealth, wisdom, spontaneity, structure, balance, creating value, stillness, compassion, etc.
Now, having thought about the universe of things that matters to you, we get to the harder part. You need to rank them. The goal is to get to your top 10 values in order of significance that you already do, or intend to, live by.
Having done this myself I’ll tell you that everything you’ve written down will seem worthwhile, but their importance, deep down and truthfully to you, is what matters. One tip to keep yourself honest is to make sure this is a private list just for you. Nobody has to see it and nobody can judge it, so really push yourself to prioritize what motivates you most from that list. If money is a big value now, don’t feel shame if it means something more altruistic doesn’t make the list. This exercise is for you.
Once I did this, I realized three values at the top of my list where getting almost no attention. It’s been a bit of a wake-up call, and I’m shifting how I spend my time to give more to those things I do very much care about.
In other words, I used this curated list of 10 to check for blind spots. Once you’ve done it, ask: Which of these are getting energy from me? Which aren’t?
2. Shape your principles
Your value map is an artifact of mostly 1-word things that help you see what matters now and has mattered before. Now you can use it to craft a handful of timeless principles that show what is fundamentally important to you, and to drive how you act going forward.
To define them, start by translating each top value into a “Why + How” sentence
“Because I deeply value ______, I commit to ______.”
For example: Because I value Growth, I commit to confronting reality, not my preferences.
You can also tighten that up for the sake of memorability to something like: “Embrace reality and deal with it.”
Two notes on the commit part:
It doesn’t have to be something you’ve always done. It can be aspirational for who you want to be and how you want to live going forward. The latter could honestly even be more helpful.
Feel free to ask GPT for help—it does a great job getting you a starting point to think from. Take your 10 values, throw them into chat (along with a reference to this post), and ask: “Using the principles framework covered in this Good Times article, convert each of my values into a one‑sentence principle following the ‘Why + How’ structure—keep each short, active, and first‑person. Give me three options for each to help me refine.”
3. Operationalize your principles
At this point, you should have 10 principles drafted.
To turn these tenets to action, for each principle you’ve written, (1) write one small or big thing you already do that lives that principle, and (2) add one small thing (≤ 15 minutes or ≤ $15) that you could do to deepen it.
This second point can start giving you some of the answers that purpose promises…the where to. 👇
Magnetic North (aka purpose light)
The neat thing with principles is that you can use them to drive your Magnetic North(s). Think of this as “purpose light”. Instead of True North which is definite, your Magnetic North does change based on where and when you are.
Just as examples, see how from values we get principles which give us a malleable North Star. If we get over or achieve the “purpose”, the sturdier principle behind it will always give us a new path to meaningful action: i.e another Magnetic North.
Work & Craft
Principle: “Create things that delight and help others, never putting low-craft work into the world I wouldn’t use myself.”
MN: “Grow Good Times into the #1 personal‑growth newsletter on Substack, helping 300 k readers by 2030.”
Health & Fitness
Principle: “Push my body with focused and intense daily movement and progressive challenge.”
MN: “Play Padel for fun, but competitively, and reach a 4.5 score in the next 2 years so I can play in an advanced level tournament.”
Learning & Growth
Principle: “Always seek evidence‑based ways to improve and challenge my understanding of the world, approaching counter views with an open mind”
MN: “Become an armchair expert in WW2 by reading the best history books.”
Relationship
Principle: “Invest in experiences, moments, and time being present that deepens connection and shared memories.”
MN: “Plan and save for a dream trip to Japan and Hawaii next year.”
Money & Wealth
Principle: “Spend less than I earn and allocate capital aggressively from multiple income sources in places where it compounds freedom, not ego.”
MN: “Reach financial independence with the optionality to retire us by age 40.”
Family & Friends
Principle: “Show up with presence and curiosity and always make the people I love feel unmistakably seen.””
MN: “Phone my siblings and dads every week.”
Principles, values, and purpose are all things we know are important, you probably didn’t need a Ted Talk telling you that. But, we have a knack for putting them on the “To Do Later (i.e Never)” list. There’s always stuff going on in life so this quieter self work get’s lost, but when we’re just doing the stuff in front of us without any of those foundational elements in place—that’s when we can easily feel like what we’re doing is meaningless. That’s when we have purpose anxiety.
So, it is important to find the time to define these things for ourself.
And as I hope I’ve made a decent case for, you don’t need “purpose” to feel fulfilled and resilient. At least I feel I don’t. I think what I really needed was a framework I could trust the aspirational version of myself to try it’s best to live.
A code that helps me navigate the good times and the bad with a quiet confidence.
If that resonates with you, go forth friends and find those principles.
Good Times is a biased, but researched, guide to improving ourselves. Practical letters on self-discovery, psychology, work, life, philosophy, and other learnings about living a good life. If this was forwarded to you, sign up here for some Good Times in your inbox.
Jaryd's shift to the new newsletter is bold, thoughtful and introspective.
Bold – Exploring vulnerable, sometimes uncomfortable topics, using his personal journey to illuminate paths for others.
Thoughtful – Diving into the heart of the human experience, offering perspective, depth, and clarity on what truly matters.
Introspective – Through honest reflection, Jaryd shares lessons from his own life—reminding us all to pause, reflect, and grow.
Good and thoughtful post Jaryd. It may be semantics, but I feel the challenge you have felt has been a limited understanding of the definition of purpose. Your presumed definition / description of purpose, for me, seems to be too closely linked to the ideas of certain goals or an outcome. Purpose in my view is about the journey and not the outcome itself, as you observed in your post.
Principles not greater than purpose. Principles applied with intention equals purpose!! :-)
Put another way: your post really just gives a richer definition or the *real* definition of purpose. And, I mean this in the best possible way in that your post adds to the vocabulary of what purpose really is.
See the verb form definitions of "purpose" in the dictionary and I think you will close the loop back to the true meaning of purpose. Or ask ChatGPT and see what it says to something like:
"When people feel or say they know or have a purpose, what is the definition of purpose in this context?"
The response I got was:
"A guiding principle or intention that gives an individual’s life coherence, motivation, and significance."
No reason to cast aside the Greeks or Aristotile...you are starting to understand what they understood. ;-)