It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

16 very brief lessons from a great & terrible past year

Aug 30, 2025

One year ago today, the worst—and longest—second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year of my life started.

Nothing could have prepared me for picking up the phone at 5:23am to hear my little sister crying through the phone to tell me our mom was gone.

I’ve since felt a lot of things I’d never felt before. Floods of disbelief, dark pits of guilt, pain from loss and longing, unsolvable regret, and a deep inner plea to have just one minute to say and do something different, but knowing nothing will allow that to happen. The first feeling of hopelessness in my life—the first time I knew that no amount of effort, money, creativity, luck, grit, or cleverness would give me that chance.

But before coming to write this piece, just a few moments ago, I was sitting outside writing in my journal—thinking about the past year—and truly feeling so much luck and gratitude, while at the exact same time, feeling and reflecting on all the pain and sadness.

Then I felt guilty for feeling grateful and good. How is that right, the day before the 1 year mark of losing my mom?

How is it possible to feel such starkly different feelings all at once?
How is it possible that I’ve had such a good year, while also such a bad one?

It can only be because so often, two opposite things can be true at the same time. As Dickens famously wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”.

This year was certainly the worst of times. But I also got a great new job, travelled to several places for the first time filled with many incredible shared experiences, spent quality time with my wife and family, made new friends, found two new passions that bring me so much fun and happiness, sold my first newsletter, started my second new one, and feel like I grew into a better and wiser person.

Anyway, this is not a long letter. I’m feeling reflective this morning, and I think what’s on my mind doesn’t need many words. It’s more a list of brief and broad things I’ve learnt since the morning of August 31st 2024. Hopefully you find something useful in them.

Life is full of unexpected contradictions and paradoxes.
Things are rarely ever linear and make complete sense. Good and bad can be interchangeable. Everything we know is just a concept and everything we perceive is pushed through our rationalized understanding of the world. But that understanding is made up—we trained ourselves to say that smiling and laughing when hearing terrible news is a bad thing…but that’s our own rule. Who said it’s right? Maybe it’s not worth resisting contradiction, but instead, just noticing it for what it is.
Life isn’t binary with good times and bad times, they exist and happen together and simultaneously.
If you feel like shit today, that doesn’t mean tomorrow might not be incredible. It doesn’t mean yesterday wasn’t incredible. We tend to think that what we feel in the moment is how we have, or will, always feel. That’s almost never true. So remember that when you’re feeling down, more good always sneaks back in, even when you least expect it.
Guilt can be an anchor or a sail.
The feeling of guilt is a quiet guide if you’re open to listening. What made you feel guilt? What did you or didn’t you do? If you hear what it has to say, you can use that to grow and be better to others going forward.
Don’t ever leave things unsaid.
Because there’s no guarantee you’ll get another chance to say them. Don’t leave on a bad note. Don’t delay saying what someone hopes and needs to hear from you. Don’t go to bed angry with your partner. The regret and longing to get that one chance again is a painful stab.
The worst pain always passes despite it feeling like it never will.
Time heals all wounds is a hallmark cliche until you experience it with a real loss. And that doesn’t mean you’re heal back to how you were, but like a cut that scars, it does mean things get better.
Post-pain growth is real, and happiness and peace can come from integrating scars, not hiding them.
In Buddhism, the lotus flower is a holy symbol of enlightenment, because it grows out of muddy, dirty water yet blossoms clean and beautiful. Like the lotus, transformation in our life often comes through struggle. Hardship is not always the enemy, but the place that allows us to build strength and wisdom.
It’s okay to go through periods of zero ambition, no drive, and melancholy.
I had many weeks and months of not wanting to do anything, and not feeling a pull towards anything. I sometimes lay face down on the couch doing nothing except feeling nothing. The more I pushed to break it and find something that sparked me, the more I spun. It’s normal for all of us to feel depression in our life. Just know that it doesn’t define you. Like hopelessness..
Feeling hopeless doesn’t make you hopeless.
That’s an important distinction. You are not your feelings, and your feelings are not you.
If someone doesn’t feel seen or heard, go out of your way to change that.
You never know what the impact on that person’s day, or life, might be from even just a few words or moments of empathy and validation.
You can be more vulnerable thank you think with your partner, friends, and family.
Being open with the people you love is often harder than being open with a total stranger. It’s normal to feel embarrassed or like you might be judged in your vulnerability, but closeness, understanding, and intimacy come from leaning in vs shying away. Strength isn’t saying you’re always okay.
Find a way to tell the truth, no matter how hard or embarrassing it is or feels.
The truth is never boring, and people often feel when you’re not saying it.
Don’t wait until someone is gone to see the best parts of them.
Think about the people you love and care about. What are their best qualities you love and admire? And don’t be shy to tell them. It feels funny sending a text like that or saying it over a call, but you have no idea what it could mean to that person.
No grief is the same.
There isn’t a right or wrong way to be sad. There’s rarely a right or wrong way to do anything, in fact. Usually, there’s just a way.
Quit things that don’t fill you up the way you thought they would.
It isn’t shameful to stop, it’s wise. The sunk cost fallacy is so powerful and so often ignored. The wiser you get, the faster you stop doing things. Remake decisions frequently, there’s no credit given for sticking to decisions a past version of yourself made with outdated information and context.
Braveness is showing off and being proud of your own creativity. Love is seeing and being proud of creativity in others.
I only found out months after my mom was gone, as I reread text messages from her (many I didn’t fully read), how nervous she felt sharing her art and writing with me and my siblings. How she’d held off showing us for years. She was brilliant, and I found out later from a friend of hers how a message I sent her saying how remarkable I thought her work was made her feel for months; how happy and seen she felt. So, share you creativity in whatever form, and don’t hold back praising it in others.
Tell your parents you love them.
Right now.

This was done in one sitting, and done mostly for myself.

Perhaps it was the best of my writing, it was the worst of my writing.

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